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Officially in a funk

Yeah I am.

I have been worrying, and wandering, and thinking too damn much.

I wish I could win the lottery. I just need $100K. Just enough to pay off all my debt and have a nice E-fund. Not too much to ask.

I am worried about work. They underestimate me. I think I allow them to. I hate failing. Especially when I am the only black female in the company. I CAN'T fail.

I feel like I am at a stand still in my life. I am allowing my debt to block my view of the future. I want to do so much. I know I am destined for something great. Cocky? Naw just confident. I want to own my own business(s). I want to invest. I want to build an inheritance for my children, grandchildren, and so on. But I feel like I need to get this debt out of the way before I can even think about that stuff. A year of just working on debt sounds ridiculously boring. I am not a boring person.

I like end results. It's the journey to the end that urks me.

I need to lose weight. I would love to be my goal size. It is the many months of dieting and exercising that I dread. Oh how I dread it!

I need to get closer to God. Period. Maybe then I will not fear failing and put my all in Him.

I overload myself. I am always on the go, always thinking, always working. Overloading leads to crashing....and I CRASH.

I doubt myself. I pump myself up and then when it comes time to do the do I doubt myself. I urk myself sometimes


Anyways my funk has lead to me to do some funky shopping. Straight funky yall! I spent $200 online with Macy's and Old Navy. And then I spend $80 at the Macy's in the mall yesterday.

Yeah you guessed right. ALL OF THAT ON CREDIT CARDS!!!

Hence my silence this last week.

I think next Tuesday will be the official return-fest day.

Yeah.
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Comments

Unknown said…
Don't feel bad D. I am right there with you. I went out and bought $32 worth of yarn (of course on cc's). Telling myself that I would make up for it when I sell my hats on the internet. I don't know. Maybe I need to return them. I don't want to be like the old me and not follow through with my plans. I want to use it all and let the crafts pay for the expenses. Anyway, I feel ya D and I understand. I am trying to convince myself that I am destined for better. I underestimate my potential all the time. I have been listening to and reading alot of Joel Osteen lately and he really has been speaking to my heart. Maybe you should try it.

D.C. Out
October 9, 2007 at 8:15 AM
SavingDiva said…
I think you're being too hard on yourself. Concentrate on yourself. The journey is sometimes more important that the end result. If losing weight was easy, it wouldn't feel as great to be your goal size (don't worry, I too am struggling to get down a size). Just remember to not to fall back on your vices...my vice was also shopping...and I used to have to return (about a week after I purchased it) everything I purchased when I was stressed out.
October 9, 2007 at 9:36 AM
Anonymous said…
Get OUT of my head! Just last night I was telling my bff that I was bored with my financial life. I have goals, but since I wiped out my savings to go on this vacation I feel like I'm starting from ground zero. I wonder is this what my life is going to be like? Always scrimping here and there to save up for every little thing that I want? Then I realize that that voice isn't me. It's the negative forces around me that want me to give in. Of course it will feel good when I accomplish my goals, but I have to tell you Dimples, I relish the here and now. Like SavingDiva said, I'm enjoying the journey. Yes I have to continue to save but it feels great to know that I'm doing the absolute best I can for myself. I'm not coasting through, this is active work. I'm giving a damn about myself and making things happen for myself. Sometimes it's slow going, but slow and steady wins the race.

Don't be too hard on yourself girl. You are very smart and ambitious. You WILL achieve your goals and then some. Keep focused on your goals but don't discount the lessons of the journey. At least that's what I tell myself. And if that doesn't work, I crank that soulja boy a couple times and I'm alright. :-D
October 9, 2007 at 8:34 PM
Chitown said…
Can you take any of that stuff back? I am notorious for buyer's remorse and taking things back. It feels good when that money comes back off your credit card.
October 10, 2007 at 10:04 AM
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