Yeah I am.
I have been worrying, and wandering, and thinking too damn much.
I wish I could win the lottery. I just need $100K. Just enough to pay off all my debt and have a nice E-fund. Not too much to ask.
I am worried about work. They underestimate me. I think I allow them to. I hate failing. Especially when I am the only black female in the company. I CAN'T fail.
I feel like I am at a stand still in my life. I am allowing my debt to block my view of the future. I want to do so much. I know I am destined for something great. Cocky? Naw just confident. I want to own my own business(s). I want to invest. I want to build an inheritance for my children, grandchildren, and so on. But I feel like I need to get this debt out of the way before I can even think about that stuff. A year of just working on debt sounds ridiculously boring. I am not a boring person.
I like end results. It's the journey to the end that urks me.
I need to lose weight. I would love to be my goal size. It is the many months of dieting and exercising that I dread. Oh how I dread it!
I need to get closer to God. Period. Maybe then I will not fear failing and put my all in Him.
I overload myself. I am always on the go, always thinking, always working. Overloading leads to crashing....and I CRASH.
I doubt myself. I pump myself up and then when it comes time to do the do I doubt myself. I urk myself sometimes
Anyways my funk has lead to me to do some funky shopping. Straight funky yall! I spent $200 online with Macy's and Old Navy. And then I spend $80 at the Macy's in the mall yesterday.
Yeah you guessed right. ALL OF THAT ON CREDIT CARDS!!!
Hence my silence this last week.
I think next Tuesday will be the official return-fest day.
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Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Yeah I am.